Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
