i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
