Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
