It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
