I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Of course I have a pirate flag
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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