At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize