Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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