Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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