Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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