Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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