Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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