oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
