soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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