I cockslap morals
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
