I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
