If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
