I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
