I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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