How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
