I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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