plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
