I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
