you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
