the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
