I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
