haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
