don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
