Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
