I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
