There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
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Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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