Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
