You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
