I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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