guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize