It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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