well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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