I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
