Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
