Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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