drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
