already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize