they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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