We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
