You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
