Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
