Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
