haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
