I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
