he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's shark week go big or go home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
