Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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