the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize