I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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