hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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