Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
