No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
