They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
