Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
