rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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