my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
