Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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