i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
