On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
