just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
