The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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